This should put a stop to that.

It’s hard to work the concept of a “software update” into a cow analogy, but here goes: You willingly purchase a cow, which, the purveyor of said cow makes explicitly clear, is intended only to be used to produce milk. You buy it and figure out a way to make cheese. Two months later the purveyor of the cow offers you a pill, free of charge, which, if administered to the cow, will result in slightly better-tasting milk, but which pill comes with a stern and plainly worded warning that, if administered to a cow that had been used to produce cheese (which, recall, was made clear from the outset the cow was not intended for), the pill might kill the cow, and that, even if it doesn’t kill the cow, will prevent all previously known cheese-making hacks from working. Further, let’s stipulate that there is no medical or bovine pharmacological reason the pill could not have instead been engineered in such a way that it would enable the cow to produce the better-tasting milk and still allow the previously discovered cheese-producing hacks to continue unabated — that the reason for this frustrating limitation is, at best, marketing, and at worst, spite — and so that, in some way, the whole situation is, undeniably, at least somewhat shitty.

FACT: Although the U.S. population has been growing steadily, the rate of motor vehicle deaths per 100,000 population has remained constant since 1998.

O RLY?

Beware of the impaired pedestrian.

Yeah, those pesky impaired pedestrians.

Look for pedestrians to appear suddenly around buses. Watch for children - they can be unpredictable and move erratically.

You should also watch for snipers. And campers too.

Marijuana - often referred to as grass, pot, or weed - is the dried and unprocessed leaves, stems, and seeds of the cannabis sativa and cannabis indica plants. Marijuana can be eaten or smoked. Most frequently, the dried plant leaves are shredded and rolled in cigarette papers to form a joint. Joints can be smoked like a cigarette. Hashish, which is another, more potent marijuana product, is processed from the resin in the flowers of the marijuana plant. Like marijuana, hashish can be eaten or smoked, though it is most frequently smoked in a pipe or bong.

What, no recipe for pot brownies? Common, stop holdin' out on us...

First introduced as a street drug in the late 1960s, PCP soon gained a reputation for provoking dangerous and violent reactions. Although one-time users may be turned off by a bad trip, continual users respond to the drug's ability to induce feelings of strength, power, invulnerability, and a numbing effect on the mind that can result in the disappearance of unpleasant memories.

Hey, that doesn't sound too bad.

Some individuals mix cocaine and heroin. This mixture is called a "speed ball." By combining several stimulants, the effects of all drugs are prolonged.

Always good to know. I think. Wait... what?

And last, but certainly not least:

Give motorcyclists who aren't wearing protective clothing or helmets plenty of extra room. Their poor judgment as to their need for protective gear may also be an indication of poor driving skills.

After we had gotten finished eating, we naturally wanted to get a picture of everyone together. This causes an obvious problem for whoever is taking the picture. The solution? Use a small tripod and a timer! And who better to take the picture than the person sitting in the middle of everyone. So, what is the shortest route between any two points? A straight line... under the table. As you can see, this plan was fool-proof.

I hate bandwidth leechers
submitted by optimus_maximus 6 hours 57 minutes ago (via www.mainstreetspa.com)
Doin' my annual website cleanup and I find a leecher using my wedding video stills. Let's see if if anyone wants their bridal packages now.

Original Link

I laughed so hard I cried. Bravo, Gavin Holt, bravo.